Where are those true friends?

     Where are my friends—my true friends? 

     Why don’t I have any?

     Where are those gentle hearts whose eyes scan for loneliness, whose hearts break for pain-bearers, whose compassion compels them to reach out, befriend, soothe, endorse, seek understanding, share love and shatter loneliness with bonds of companionship? 

     Where is ‘the friend’? Is he so self-obsessed that he struts past his peers in compulsive obedience to a To-Do list designed to serve only his needs? Is he so, so pressed he must bustle past heartbreak to get his to-do’s done? 

     I feel like I have no friends. I am a loner. I bemoan my solitude, sad with loneliness, other people just don’t care…

     —but of course, the little voice within me asks, “Aren’t these questions you should ask yourself? Perhaps you are not acting like a friend?” 

     Aren’t I inclined to blame ‘great outside’, those elements beyond the boundaries of my control? Am I pining for that which I cannot control—friendship from others—while neglecting to exercise what I can control—my own friendly behavior? 

     List the names of those you actively engage with on a regular basis (outside of immediate family). 

Right here, right now: write a list your friends.


     I. AM. ALONE. My list of friends could fit on a postage stamp. And I do not fit the description of the friend I wish others would be for me. 

     My days are spent alone in an office, …and then home alone. 

     People at church are nice enough—but at church, I act more like a pseudo-celebrity than a companion: a flurry of fleeting acquaintances, I speak only when spoken to, glad-handing folks, quick smiles, fast paced steps, wrist-watch glances and hurried mannerisms. Ever on my way, ever on the go, only arriving when I’m alone. Alone.  

     Most men do this. Most of us are lonely loners. 

     It’s a curable condition, but the cure lies within. To break my solitude, I must break my solitude—not waiting for others to reach out, but for me to reach in for the courage to do something friendly. 

     This calls for a change of heart.

     A friend told me: To change your heart, change your attitude. To change your attitude, change your action. 

     Do something friendly. Act friendly! Our action will change our attitude and change our hearts. We will encourage others, encourage ourselves—and expand our list of friends.

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